What bride hasn’t had her fair share of run-ins with her in-laws while planning a wedding? Still, regardless of whether your mother-in-law thinks the deejay is terrible, or your groom’s sister hates your dress, it’s important to remember that your fiance’s loved ones are about to become your loved ones too.
“The key to a bride’s success is being sensitive to the culture, communication and parenting style of the family she’s marrying into,” says etiquette expert and coach Maria Joyce, founder and Executive Director at The Protocol School of New Jersey, an etiquette consulting firm in Red Bank. “She’s not just marrying her husband. She’s marrying all of his beautiful, crazy relatives too.”
Here are Joyce’s top 5 tips for making nice with your in-laws before, during and after the wedding day:
[bibblio style=”bib–default bib–hover bib–white-label bib–row-2 bib–title-only bib–size-16 bib–font-arial” query_string_params=”e30=” recommendation_type=”optimised”]
Money Talks
“Once we’re accepting money from somebody, it means you’re releasing the reins. If you have your hands out, that means you are giving up some of your decision-making abilities. The bride and groom have to show a united front, but you also have to discuss the parents’ feelings without throwing condemnation their way.”
Mind Your Manners
“My big line is, ‘Good manners mean never telling anyone else what to do.’ So you’re not allowed to go to your husband and say, ‘Your mother!’ but you can say, ‘I was frustrated about the conversation I had today with your mom.’ That’s his first family. You’re his wife-to-be so his allegiance has to be with you, but his allegiance is also with them. He’s allowed to criticize them but you are not.”
Mark Your Calendar
“Juggling holidays is very difficult because both sides of the family are used to having you 100 percent of the time. The best time to negotiate isn’t hours, days or even weeks before the holiday. Tell your mom she gets Thanksgiving but you’re going to your husband’s family’s home for Christmas. Plan that ahead of time.”
Baby on the Brain
“Having your mother-in-law plan for a grandchild on the wedding night is awkward, especially in this age of infertility issues. What do you do? Don’t react. Hug her, love her, kiss her. Tell her you’d like nothing more than to give her one hundred of them when the time comes.”
Flying Solo
“If you feel left out at your husband’s family gatherings, the host or hostess should do their part to make you comfortable. But, if they aren’t doing that, I believe it’s up to the bride as the minority to become charismatic, lovable and loving, and make it so that his family can’t resist you. That’s what your job should be.”
To learn more about The Protocol School of New Jersey, visit them on Facebook and Google+.
Hero (Top) Feature Image: © JackF / Adobe Stock
