It’s “almost” Valentine’s Day – that’s right, it’s less than a month until an entire weekend of candy hearts and kisses and (possibly overpriced) roses for those who are happily coupled. Unfortunately, that does not include you. So how are you going to get through the weekend without feeling jealous of, or constantly annoyed by, other people’s gushy romantic behavior?
We’ve “coupled” our suggestions into the following Survival Guide for Singles. (And remember, those candy hearts taste awful anyway.)
Prepare for the Apocalypse
If you’re feeling like the world is ending, it’s not just you. According to an infallible source — that is, Ghostbusters II — the world is supposed to end on Feb. 14, 2016. (At least, according to the psychic who heard it from an alien at the Paramus Holiday Inn.) Doomsday prepping is the perfect excuse to hide inside all weekend and hoard canned goods.
See a Movie (or a Lot of Movies)
Lucky for you, there’s a lack of serious romance at the movies Valentine’s Day weekend. It’s more than easy to settle down with a bucket of popcorn and treat yourself to either Deadpool, the loopy, ultra-violent super-anti-hero film based on the equally loopy comic book; or Zoolander 2, in which Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson return to modeling so they can also return to fighting crime (plus Justin Bieber gets killed off).
If you’re feeling especially cultured, you can check out the inaugural SOMA Film Festival, which runs from Feb. 12-14 at the South Orange Performing Arts Center. The festival will spotlight independent films from around the world, including Almost There, a documentary about an elderly “outsider” artist whose first exhibition changes his life in major ways, and Proud Citizen, a film about a Bulgarian contest winner who travels to Kentucky for the premiere of her play. Tickets cost between $45-$55; you can call the box office at 973-313-2787 for more info.
Take a Beer Tour
Singles don’t have to drink alone on Valentine’s Day. Instead, you can drink in like-minded company while learning all about the beer-making process. The Cape May Brewery is offering tours and tastings all Valentine’s Day weekend, with no reservations required. For $10, you get four 4-oz. samples, a souvenir pint glass and the tour. Alternatively, you can take a tour of the River Horse Brewing Company in Ewing; it’s $5 per person, reservations required, with four 4-oz. samples included.
Watch Trucks Get Wrecked
Isn’t it therapeutic seeing mud and chrome get spattered all over the place? The Monster X Tour is coming to the Sun National Bank Center in Trenton on Feb. 12-13. The trucks scheduled to appear include Bigfoot, Crushtation, Beast, Son of Beast, and Lumberjack; there will also be Freestyle Motocross, and for an extra $10, you can buy a Pit Party Pass to hang out with the drivers before the show. Tickets start at $20 (exhaust fumes included). For details, call 609-656-3200.
Watch Grown Men Fight
A hockey game is the exact opposite of romantic: Fans are screaming semi-obscene things from the stands. Players are potentially whacking each other with sticks. This Valentine’s Day, the New Jersey Devils play the Los Angeles Kings at the Prudential Center in Newark. Game time starts at 12:30 p.m., but the doors open at 11 a.m. Be sure to check Ticketmaster or the Prudential box office for details.
Go Find Some Birds
Need something to take your mind off other problems? Why not go outside and help scientists figure out how bird populations are doing? The annual Great Backyard Bird Count is set for Feb. 12-15 this year. Birders and would-be birders around the world can sign up on the website, then list how many birds they see for at least 15 minutes on one of those days. (There’s also a photo contest, if you’re so inclined.) The data collected from the count helps determine things like how weather patterns are affecting bird populations, and how bird diseases are impacting birds in different areas. So you’re doing something useful and you’re getting fresh air.
Take Comfort in the Undead
What’s the exact opposite of romance? Zombies. Brain-munching zombies. The Walking Dead returns on Feb. 14, and rumor has it that it’s going to be (extra) bloody, with a bunch of cast members getting killed off. In fact, the episode has already been nicknamed the Valentine’s Day Massacre. Enjoy the irony.